Neverbebullied.com
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posted by Master Instructor at 11:33 AM
Monday, October 09, 2006
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Most people suffer the heartache of being bullied at some time in their lives. The younger it starts the longer it lasts because being a ‘victim’ is a learned behaviour.
posted by Master Instructor at 11:33 AM
7 Comments:
Hi Richard.
Good to see that you now have a blog facility added to your website. Hope it goes well
Jim
Hi Richard
Please can you give me one simple idea I can give to my friend who feels she is being bullied at work. The office she works in is very clique and she hasn't been there long. She feels an outsider and there are two other women who give her a hard time by pointing out her unfamiliarity with the new job.
Thanks
Steve
Hello Steve
The best and most simple idea that I can give to your friend is to stop FEELING as though she is being bullied. The two women who point out her shortcomings may actually being trying to help her. Of course they may not but whichever is true your friend will feel better if she thinks they are trying to help.
If this is the only thing that makes your friend feel bullied she can decide to stop it in a heartbeat.
I taught an inset day recently and one of the classroom assistants said that, after hearing the description of bullying that another member of staff had just given, that she herself (the assistant) must have been bullied at school. She said;
"I suppose I was bullied because the other kids used to say those sort of things to me, I just never realised at the time."
My reply to this classroom assistant was this;
"No you most definitely were not bullied because being a victim of bullying is often a state of mind. If those people calling you names did not make you feel like a victim, then you were not a victim. "
Steve, tell your friend she has a choice about how she feels. These are two options she may decide to adopt.
1. The women are trying to help her because she does work that they would have to do if she were not there.
2. The two women are jealous of her ability to learn quickly, so they look for something to criticise.
Are either of these the TRUTH? Maybe, maybe not, but there is much chance of them being true as there is that these women are trying to bully her.
Hope this helps
Richard Vince
Hi Richard
I just purchased your book no one bullies me now and saw on your 5 free emails that the book has "younger language" I'm an adult looking to stop people from taking advantage of me, did I purchase the wrong book?
Are both books roughly the same one for adults and one for kids?
Hi Chris
I think the book you have will be fine. 'Stumbling Blocks To Stepping Stones' was written first and designed for adults to read to children.
I thought that it may be a good idea to simplify the language in a new edition to allow young children to read it themselves and fully understand.
There are maybe one or two ideas that are not in 'Nobody Picks On Me Now' but it is pretty much the same material.
Hope this helps and let me know how you get on with it.
All the best
Richard Vince
My name is Mike Bogdanski and I was beaten up badly as a teen. Over thirty seven years later I am now a seventh degree Black Belt and hold anti-bully assemblies across the U.S.A. and Canada.
www.mikebogdanski.com
www.martialart-skills.com
Best of luck on your bully education program- the world needs it!
Mike
Hi Richard
I have been tackling a bullying situation in the workplace for the last 18 months. I have a manager whose behaviour varies quite often. At times he can be really pleasant but then often unexpectedly he has outbursts where he will demand more of me than I can give such as aggressive/constant questioning on subjects. He has now started to restrict myself and a colleague having tea breaks, and lunches asserting his power over us. I have also the problem in that I am often more knowledgeable of a subject than he is-so he is very defensive. A number of employees have felt he has bullied them before so he has a history. However senior management seem to suggest that I have to deal with him-So I am trying..
I write notes about his behaviour and have informed HR but this is difficult,. HR is in our office next to us. I believe at present he has calmed down but I'm sure there will be another occasion where he turns. I have given him the 1 minute manager tape and organised more meetings to aid communication. It would be good to blogg what’s happening so I can share the experience and halve the pain. I have previously felt like giving up my job because I feel so powerless.
Could you help in any way? Sue
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